You’ve been waiting a week for it. Do you wan to know what happens between Robert and Sarah?
Robert blows it.
He had the chance to say, “Sarah, I’m sorry. I really do like you a lot and I want to continue to get to know you. Last night just felt so awkward for me because… it felt forced on us, or… because I’m slower to get to open up than others, or… because I have a small penis and I feel embarrassed about it. Whatever it was. Robert could have shared what was going on for him in a way that would be an invitation for Sarah to get to know more about him. And it likely would have melted her heart and made her want to continue to explore with him.
All he said was, “I really enjoyed last night and I’m shocked.”
I don’t want to paint Robert as the bad guy, as he’s not. He is a genuine guy looking for love and really did like Sarah. He just didn’t know how to be expressive with him emotions to the degree that what he was thinking and what he was doing were congruent. In fact, he had some big blind spots if he thinks that a woman would want to spend a night in the Fantasy Suite in bed with a guy with his jeans on and his back to her.
Sarah understood this. She realizes that the behaviour she sees in him now will repeat itself. I learned that lesson myself when I caught a man in a lie on our first date. The lies definitely repeated themselves.
Unless a person decides that they want to make some changes and will get some help to make them, things aren’t likely going to change. I see too many women holding out for changes that are very unlikely to happen. They stay stuck in the fantasy of who they want their guy to be instead of getting acquainted with who he really is. Women in this state will feel disappointed over and over again.
The good news is that the relationship doesn’t have to be over if you really get to know your guy. What you can do is start to work together in a way that includes all of your quirks and foibles rather than having to dump one guy and find another. It takes some vulnerability and some effort in the case of both parties.
And in some cases, when the other person wants to stay stuck or doesn’t have the capacity to do something different, it may be time to pack your bags, like Sarah. She knew that what she wanted was just SO far from what she was getting right from the start that she would be better off to find someone closer to the same page as her.
How do you know which thing to do? I can’t tell you that. Only your heart will know for sure. But if you don’t have a clear path to your heart because your emotions are getting mixed up in the middle, I do recommend counselling. It can help you get clear so that you can open up to a space of love for both you and your partner, which is always where the best decisions are made.
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