Remember I promised I was going to tell you what you need to do so that you wouldn’t be attracted to Mr. Wrong anymore? I lied. I think there are a couple more things for you to know before I tell you how to learn to fill up your LOVE-O-METER, learn to get closer to someone than you learned in your family, and get unstuck from family patterns-all of the stubborn issues that keep you subconsciously attracted to the men you are attracted to.
All of these issues fall under one big umbrella. Unfinished family business.
What that means is that your family keeps secrets. And they keep them while telling themselves that they are protecting the family, when the real reason is they feel ashamed. Through the centuries there are events and losses that happen in your family and instead of having healthy conversations about them, the members of the family carry the guilt and shame about the situation and try to hide it and so the pattern gets carried down to the next generation.
If you have suffered sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse or (shhhhhh-don’t tell ANYONE that your Great Uncle Phil was a cross dresser-we’ll be disgraced!), how often do you have open family conversations about it?
Granted, there may have been a time that Uncle Phil in his corsets and pantaloons would have been burned at the stake, so there was a good reason to keep his penchant for lipstick a secret. But luckily, times they are a changin’ and freedom of expression is now a civil right in North America.
It’s when one brave soul starts to learn to speak out, to talk about their role, whether it be secret keeper, the abused, or the abuser, and they start to get in touch with their pain and their shame, that they stop the pattern. The next time they feel the impulse to strike their child, instead they break down and they share how guilty they feel about their uncontrolled temper. They stop the pattern. They let the world in to their broken heart and they mend the fences they have built between themselves and the people they care about.
The members of the family who refuse to talk about it will let the pattern pass on through the next generations. The brave souls who choose to get vulnerable instead can stop the pattern for everyone coming after them. Forever.
Not only that, but it’s these openings that start to change our culture. Although there may still be some people that are uncomfortable with Uncle Phil, he gets to stay alive. As families are healed, there is a ripple affect out to their friends, their neighbours, their communities.
How powerful is that?
Oh, wait. I said I wasn’t going to share how to fill up your LOVE-O-METER, get closer to the people you care about and stop your family patterns. OOPS! Looks like I lied again.
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